


Words Unsaid

by CDRaum



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Ficlet, Gen, Ungendered Guardian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22393279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CDRaum/pseuds/CDRaum
Summary: You've died and Saint is left alone, having never been able to express his fondness for you fully. At your tomb he pours his heart out, aching from grief.
Relationships: Guardian/Saint-14 (Destiny)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 55





	Words Unsaid

Saint had many, many regrets. He could write a novel outlining the things he wished he could change or do different. This one, it was this one that was heaviest. For all his losses, for all his blunders, not finding the courage to open up to the City’s most important guardian. Words left unspoken haunted his dreams and chased him into consciousness with a scream.

The titan knelt next to the cold stone tomb and pressed his palm flat to the lid. Inside this casket was the body of a friend who’s light was robbed too early. They killed gods, saved planets, and pulled Saint from the deathly grasp of the Infinite Forest. He should have been there. It should have been _him_ on the Guardian’s six. They saved him and yet Saint had been unable to return the favor.

“Little bord,” his voice cracked and if the exo could shed tears they would stain his helmet. Saint remembered getting the distress call, the frantic SOS as the Guardian’s fireteam was overwhelmed. It was the first time in a long while that old heroes left the tower. Shaxx trailed just behind Saint in desperation but it was Saint that found their city’s protector.

  
  


_There was so much blood. Too much blood. The bodies of Hive, the shells of ghosts, and the lightless bodies of brave soldiers. Saint couldn’t hear the sounds of the rescue team, only the heavy slam of his boots as he tried to find the source._ His _guardian. Of course he’d yet to tell them how much they actually meant. They were friends, close companions, but Saint had lacked that drop of courage needed to express how much_ more _they were._

_Near the center, surrounded by hive, they lay in a pool of their own blood._

_Saint collapsed to his knees next to the guardian. They were cradling the shattered shell of their ghost, blood seeping from countless wounds, and their breaths slow and ragged. Is this how they found Cayde?_

“ _Little bord,” Saint hauled the guardian up into his lap, careful to not jostle them too much. Their eyes held a fondness that drew daggers into the titan’s heart. A free hand drew up to cradle the side of Saint’s helmet._

“ _Saint,” the guardian spoke so rarely that it shattered the remains of his heart. Their voice was laced with such tenderness that he could choke. “I love you, more than you could ever realize. Keep the pigeons company for me. I have to go.”_

_He couldn’t respond quick enough, the last of their light bleeding out of their body before he could get a word out. Their body went limp and cold in his arms._

  
  


Saint felt a sob wrack his body and he let himself collapse onto the stone.

“I never got to tell you how much you mean to me, little bord. And not just in that you saved me but how you got me to fall in love with you,” his voice was hoarse and cracked. Saint traced circles into the stone, heart twisting painfully in his chest. “I should've said something. There were many times where I came close.”

So many memories, all of them painful to the touch. How his guardian had a smile so bright it could rival that Traveler’s light. Each time he had managed to make them genuinely smile, every time a joke pulled a deep laugh from their chest. There wasn’t one special moment that made him start falling but rather one where he knew.

“That night, outside the city walls. Do you remember? We spent the day watching bords and you told me all the different kinds. In the city it is just me and the pigeons. I remember…” Saint felt his throat tighten. He pushed onward. “I remember your brilliant smile, tugging my hand begging me to come with you. You were so excited. You said you had something to show me. I was nervous being outside the city walls but with you my guardian, with you I felt safe.

“Not a single fallen that day. The first time outside the walls in years that I had not seen one of those ugly bastards. You held my hand the whole time. Did you realize? I did. I tried to focus on all the bords you showed me but your hand was so warm, your fingers entwined in mine. You talked about sparrows and finches and jays. All I could think of is how I wanted to take my helmet off for you and kiss you. I do not know how I would have managed it, my lips are not soft like that. But you were so warm and open and vibrant. That was the most I had seen you smile. I could not help but wonder what your soft lips would feel like. How you would react if I told you I loved you more than anything else in this universe.”

His heart tighetned and sobs wracked his body.

  
  


_Saint had never heard them talk so_ much _. Their voice was musical, so focused on all the little facts they’d learned just for him. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he loved them. It had hit him, as they pointed out different kinds of birds, chattered about the biodiversity of the EDZ._

 _There was a light in their eyes that made his heart soar. The forest was alive and bright but nothing could compare to the guardian next to him. Saint couldn’t stop himself from realizing how_ easily _they fit together, how the guardian’s smaller hand fit in his._

_When they came to a clearing, the guardian didn’t hesitate to plop down into the soft grass, dragging Saint down with them. They never for a moment let go of his hand._

  
  


“I would have stayed in that moment with you forever. I wanted to hold you, I wanted to run my fingers through your hair and tell you all the wonderful things you make me feel. Even alone in the Infinite Forest you were there,” the stone tomb did not return conversation, did not give any indication that the guardian beneath the marble could hear him. But Saint could not stop talking. He played that day over and over again, it was his deepest regret.

“The sun was setting and you had taken off your helmet. Your hair always made me so curious. I wanted to touch it, feel it between my fingers. I should have done **something**. But you looked at me, there was something there in your eyes that scared me. It was a softness that I could not allow myself. For a moment it was just you and me. I regret not taking off my own helmet and kissing you. I kept telling myself it was too good to be true, that it was just friendship. The city’s greatest guardian could not want a titan who got himself stuck in a forest.

“It turns out while you are the city’s greatest hero, I am the city’s biggest fool. You do not trade in words but you shared so many with me that day. In hindsight, it was your way of telling me how you felt. Was it not?”

Their final words, the confession. How much had he missed out on? He could’ve had them.

“It has been a year since you left, two since our bird watching. I have not forgotten you. The pigeons are fat, I talk to them about you. I make sure the fledglings know your name and how brilliant you were. The old ones miss you, you held them as softly as you held my heart,” he should get back to the city but he couldn’t pull himself away from his guardian.

“I could not save you and I could not be brave enough to tell you I love you,” Saint pulled himself up to a sitting position and plucked a ribbon off his armor. With all the care in the world he draped it over the stone. “By saving my life, you saved so many. These belong to you. You are my inspiration and love. May you find peace in your rest and may I find you after death to tell you what I was too scared to say in life.”

Saint took each ribbon off, laying each with a tenderness nearly unheard of in titans. After each had been removed from his armor, he pulled his helmet off and set it aside. With no words or ribbons left, he pressed a soft kiss to the smooth stone and whispered his love into the tomb.

“ _Leti v bezopasnosti, malen'kaya ptichka, ya uvizhu tebya snova, obeshchayu._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> The Russian at the end is translated through Google translate and in theory, comes out to something like "Fly safe little bird, I will see you again I promise.”


End file.
